Problems in School

Just as most kids experiment with drugs and alcohol, most of them will skip a few classes or be late getting back from lunch period. However, this can create problems if they become involved in illegal behavior during that time, or accrue enough absences from a class to lose credit for that class.

What To Look For:

• Repeatedly spending no time on homework or studying.
• A frequent desire to get to school early or stay late when they are not participating in a school activity.
• Talk that lessens the importance of graduation.

These signs will most likely be accompanied by phone calls from teachers or the attendance office and failing grade reports. Your teen will likely make excuses about having teachers who are boring, unorganized, or too demanding. Don't buy their excuses! While they may really have a poor teacher, explain that those types of people abound in our society and as adults we must learn to work with and deal with them daily. Flunking their classes will not punish the teacher, or help him improve. But it will definitely cut down on your child's chances of becoming an adult independent of support by parents or society.

What To Do:

• If there seems to be a problem in just a class or two, talk with the teacher first, then progress to the guidance counselor, and then the administrator in charge of discipline (this is often the vice-principal).
• If your child has a definite negative attitude toward school in general, make an appointment to meet with the guidance counselor and administration as soon as possible. No one can make your student study or attend school. However, there are many things that you and the school can do to make it easier and more pleasant for your child to participate in school than to drop out.
• Work with the guidance counselor to identify any learning disabilities.
• Have your child set aside a time for homework/studying. Link privileges to studying time such as TV or phone time only AFTER studying.
• Require that your child come directly home after school. If he says there is an after-school activity, do a few random checks to verify participation.
• Work with the counselor and vice-principal to set up a strategy to thwart your child's efforts to be a drop-out. This may involve in-school suspension or lunch period restrictions for skipping a class.
• Require that your child bring home a weekly progress report with a passing grade from each class in order to earn weekend freedoms.
• Spend time with your child and learn his interests.
• Discuss the realities of dropping out of school.
• Encourage your child to become involved in community activities such as Children's Theater, scouting, 4-H, a church youth group, a martial arts class, music, an evening class through Adult Education, etc.
• Discuss with the counselor whether an Alternative Learning class might suit your child. The district also has an Alternative Learning Center for kids 16 or older who have trouble fitting in to a regular, structured high school classroom.
• Keep your cool! Sometimes academic changes are caused by peer pressure to rebel.
• Tips to Help Your Teen Stay in School:
• Keep parenting all the way through high school---be involved with the school, teachers, homework, etc.
• Communicate with school counselors and teachers---if there are problems at home, make sure they are aware of them.
• Help your teen see the importance of developing a long-term plan for the future.
• Help your teen see the relevance of what she is learning and how it applies to real life situations.
• Offer rewards for not skipping classes, or take away privileges for skipping.
• Support the school's unexcused absence discipline polity.
• See if your teen could be placed with a different teacher for a particularly difficult subject.
• Discuss the possibility of enrollment in the Alternative Learning Center with the school counselor.
• Keep her involved in family and community by expecting that she contribute work to family and society.
• Encourage participation in extra-curricular activities.
• Discourage work or job from taking precedence over school.

Some teens feel that a GED (General Education Development, only an option after age 16) is as good as a high school diploma. While a GED may be easier and quicker to get, it is not the same thing as a high school diploma. A GED indicates that the graduate has mastered the basic skills in reading, writing, science, social studies, and math, without benefit of socialization skills or knowledge in other areas. The military is reluctant to accept recruits with a GED, and many local employers prefer high school graduates. However, it is adequate to apply for admission to most vocational programs or colleges. Another alternative to traditional high school is Job Corps, open to boys and girls, age 16-24. They may earn a high school diploma, or GED, and receive specific vocational training while earning an income. For more information and a completed listing of trades offered, contact Job Corps through Job Service, 542-5745, or 800-544-5627.

BULLYING.

Bullying may be fairly common, especially in middle-school years, but it is NOT a common right of passage. Bullying is a serious problem that can dramatically affect the ability of both victim and bully to progress academically and socially. A student is being bullied when he or she is exposed repeatedly and over time to negative actions on the part of one or more students. Bullying implies an imbalance in power or strength. Direct bullying involves relatively open attacks on a victim such as fighting, shoving, kicking or name-calling. Indirect bullying involves social isolation and or exclusion from the group, as well as getting the victim in trouble, damaging or stealing belongings, threats, taunting and teasing. Both the bully and the victim may benefit from intervention to stop the pattern. School District One has a zero-tolerance policy for bullying and harassment. If you suspect a problem, talk to the school principal.

What To Look For:

Victim –

• Reluctance to go to school or loses interest in school.
• Stolen possessions.
• Cuts, bruises, torn clothing.
• A very timid child with few friends.
• Missing lunch at school---bully may have stolen lunch money.

Bully –

• A cunning, manipulative or controlling child.
• Often says that classmates "gave" him their stuff.
• Exploits others weaknesses or areas of vulnerability.
• Excessive "teasing", especially of those who are weaker or younger.
• Lack of empathy for others.
• Defiance.
• Reports of bullying problems from school administrators.
• When confronted, may attempt to turn things around so he looks like the victim.

What To Do:

Talk to your children about bullying. Make sure they know what it is and what a negative impact it can have on the victim so they won't become one. Encourage them to intervene when they witness verbal abuse by a bully and to stick up for the victim, or, in cases of physical abuse, immediately report incidents to school officials or police. Reassure them that reporting the problem will not make it worse.

Victim –

• Ask your child about school bullies, and if they are bothering him.
• If your child says it's happening, take him seriously.
• Remain calm. Do not over react.
• Encourage your child to discuss the problem with the principal, and offer to accompany him. If he won't report the problem, tell him that you will, and then follow through. It can be pretty risky to try to discuss the problem with the parents of the bully. They may react with denial, violence or aggression.
• Keep a diary of incidents

Bully –

• Take action: 60% of school bullies grow up to have at least one criminal conviction.
• Assess your family situation. Living with aggression or violence at home can justify it at school.
• Learn how to build a balance of structure and emotional support in your family and hold your children responsible for their actions.
• Discuss the negative impact of his actions on his victim. If he says, "It was all in fun!" Ask, "Fun for who?" It's only fun if everyone is laughing.
• Spend more time with your child, and re-evaluate curfews and activities.
• Cooperate with the school's plan to help modify your child's behavior.
• If punishment is called for, make sure it is non-violent. Physical punishment carries the message that Might Is Right, the wrong message to send to a bully.
• Genuinely praise your child's efforts toward non-violent, responsible behavior.
• Monitor television programs, movies, music and video games to eliminate role models of violence and aggression.
• Practice non-violent, tolerant, empathetic attitudes at home.
• Seek help from school counselors or other professionals.
• Help him understand how his actions and words make the victim feel.
• Teach negotiation skills.
• Don't let your children intimidate and control you.

How to Bully-proof Your Child:

• Help your child develop self-respect.
• Help your child understand correct ways to vent anger or dissatisfaction.
• Stress the importance of correct body language---making eye contact, relaxed body.
• Encourage friendships. It can be easier for a shy child to seek out another "alone" child to buddy with, rather than try to get into a "group".
• Teach your children to express themselves clearly with "I" statements.
• Use humor to deflect bullying.
• Know when to assert oneself, but make it verbal, not physical.
• Avoid the bully when necessary.
• Teach your children the art of self-affirmation.